Signs You’re Turning Into Your Mother….

What happened, you used to be so damn cool?

1. You monitor cars in your street – like what, who’s car is that outside of our house? I’ve never seen it here before, it’s been here ALL day, do you reckon it’s been dumped? Maybe we should call the council or the police?

2. You’ve become weirdly obsessed with shelving and storage. Like, if H&M home started doing small furniture you’d probably just die on the spot from the rush of emotions.

3. If you see a sign for a plant sale you drop everything. Immediately. A PLANT SALE? THINK OF ALL THE JOY AND INSTAGRAM OPPS.

4. You own a swimming costume. It has no sassy cut out details, it *might* be from M&S. You don’t want old people thinking you’re some sort of saucy slut when you hit the pool, you want to look like a stand-up member of the community, obvs.

5. Mums say to their kids ‘mind the lady’ and shop assistants say ‘can you just help that woman over there’. I’M NOT A LADY OR A WOMAN, I’M A GIRL. A YOUNG PERSON. A YOUTH.

6. You get plagued with guilt about lying in at the weekends so instead, find yourself in B&Q looking at various screws at 8.40am in the morning. Whatevs.

7. When you hear young people a few houses down listening to loud music, you wonder if they’re having a party and whether you should call the police. I mean, you definitely should because you can hear that music through the window and omg how will you be able to watch Vampire Diaries with that racket, ffs.

8. You have actual folders for important things like bank statements and council tax. I mean yeah, they’re probably shoved under your bed, but you still have them and they’re *almost* up to date. You’re basically an accountant.

9. You open every single damn window in your house to ‘air it out’ despite the fact it’s about five degrees out and you’re pretty sure you can’t feel any of your toes, but y’know, fresh air and that.

10. You spend at least an hour a week irnong shirts, like what, when did you even start wearing shirts? What are you, a middle-aged man?

11. Instead of buying yourself family size bars of Galaxy after a shitty day at work, you buy yourself flowers from Tesco on the way home. Maybe some sushi and strawberries too.

12. You keep frozen fruit in the freezer instead of chicken dippers. OK, maybe frozen fruit NEXT to the chicken dippers. Let’s be honest here.

13. You have spreadsheets on your computer. ON YOUR HOME COMPUTER.

14. You buy clothes to ‘wear around the house’.

15. You have a pet. A microchipped pet. A spayed pet. A fle-treated pet. A well-fed pet. You’re such a responsible mama.

16. You can no longer eat a McDonald’s and an Indian takeaway on the same weekend without seemingly nudging up the scales come monday. What happened metabolism, we used to be such good pals? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!

17. You don’t have any weekends free til until, oooh, the middle of the month after next. You know this because you keep dates in a diary. So yeah, you can be spontaneous and adventurous after 2pm on Saturday 8th August.

18. You complain about headaches and feel like you *might* be on the verge of a stroke the morning after two glasses of Malbec. You pretend there wasn’t a time you could down a whole 35cl bottle of vodka and feel nothing but sunrays and rainbows the next day.

19. You get really riled up about politics and even more riled up about the fact you’re not supposed to openly talk about politics with your peers. What’s the fun in this?

20. You get really fucking excited about documentaries on TV. There’s a foam party at the local club tonight? Cool story, I’ma stay in my Next pyjamas and watch this thing about whales with 3 cups of tea.

21. You know where your local tip is. You know the opening hours for your local tip. You secretly love the air of accomplishment and productivity that lingers between locals at the tip.

22. You ALWAYS take a jacket just in case. Guys, this british weather is crazy and you always gotta be prepared.

23. You count candles, hand cream and washing up gloves as absolute life necessities. And basically stop breathing for at least 6 seconds if one of your gloves has fallen in the sink and has become ambushed with water. NOT MY GLOVE, NOOOOOO.

24. You legit hardly ever eat sweets anymore. Like nope, no cola bottles for you. When did this sad state of affairs even happen?

25. You lie awake at night and just worry about the world. Should you really have splurged on that lamp earlier? Is that pain you sometimes get in your chest when you run actually a heart defect and will you just drop dead? What if you do just drop dead and you don’t get to do any of the things you had planned? OMG YOU’RE GOING TO DIE. OH GOD.

26. You have like 2 friends (you used to have like 278654) but who even cares because those couple of friends are absolutely bloody ace and you don’t need ALL the people, you just need your people.

No-go Topics For The Workplace

You spend a lot of time at your job. Maybe most of your waking hours. Ideally, your boss and co-workers become your friends, which is nice. But be careful! Never forget that you can’t totally let your hair down with work friends the way you might with family, old schoolmates, your book group, or your cat/dog.

Why? For one thing, the workplace is a public place and public rules of decorum prevail. For another, a lot of subjects–even ones commonly discussed or ones you see referred to on TV–can turn around and reflect badly on you. They can besmirch your reputation or damage your chances of promotion. Sometimes they can get you fired. At the very least they can cause co-workers to avoid or dislike you.

There are some conversations that don’t belong in the workplace. Topics to avoid include those that could become gossip for the office grapevine and personal information that might negatively influence the perceptions others have about your ability to do your job effectively. You should also avoid lengthy discussions about controversial subjects. Staying away from discussing the following topics will make your work life a lot easier.

Religion: You shouldn’t discuss your religious beliefs or your thoughts about other religious beliefs at work. Religion is a very personal issue and people are very sensitive about it. They don’t want to hear that you disagree with their religious beliefs or that you believe your religion is the one in which everyone should believe.

Politics: This is another sensitive issue, particularly around election time. While you may feel very strongly about your political party or candidate, or have negative views about the opposition, you should not try to win your co-workers over to your point of view.

Your Sex Life: Why shouldn’t you talk about your sex life? Simply because it’s no one’s business other than yours and your partner’s. Other than that, it makes people uncomfortable. Taken to the extreme, it may even border on sexual harassment.

Problems With Your Spouse, Your Children, or Your Parents: When you discuss problems you are having with others, your co-workers and your boss may wonder if those problems are distracting you from doing your job. Talking about your problems with your family will reveal your weaknesses. You don’t want to do this, especially if you are in a position of authority.

Your Career Aspirations: Talking about how you want to move on to something bigger and better will certainly, for good reason, make your boss and co-workers question your loyalty to your current job. If you are interested in moving up within your current organization, your actions will speak louder than words. Do your job exceptionally well, and of course, let your boss know you want to move up, but don’t make it the topic of workplace conversations with anyone who will listen.

Your Health Problems: Don’t dwell on your health problems at work. If you do, you will give your co-workers and boss reason to wonder if an illness will keep you from doing your job. Of course, serious health issues that will cause you to take time off, must be discussed with your employer. No one, however, needs specific details about your health.

Have a great day ♥