Back in the days when life revolved around trying to get out of PE lessons, wearing clothes that made us look like we had boobs, and trying to look effortlessly cool when smoking a cigarette up the school field on a Tuesday lunchtime. No teachers can see, right?
1. Forwarding on chain emails because you’d likely die in a horrific car crash otherwise and ain’t nobody want that.
2. Going on all-day shopping trips every Saturday which ALWAYS involved a McDonald’s and spending the £50 your parents had given you for a new warm winter coat on a £30 light summer jacket in the sale and a mountain of Topshop thongs.
3. Fairy lights. Fluffy fairy lights. Heart fairy lights. Flower fairy lights. Lantern fairy lights.
4. JoJo. Like, how the EFFING FLIP is she 13 and THAT hot? I think I fancy her, she’s everything ❤
5. Absolutely nailing the whole ‘appear offline’ thing on MSN Messenger until your hunk of a crush came online and you could go online and offline again and be all mentally like PLZ NOTICE ME POPPING UP IN YOUR BOTTOM RIGHT HAND CORNER. COME ON, HELLO.
6. Also being really good at putting your name in really pretty punctuation like this ..:*^^Hannah^^*:.. for your screen name so that people would be like oh yeah, she’s really sassy and cool.
7. Watching the music channels for hours at a time like they were actual TV programmes. Lol.
8. Drinking fruit frappucchinos with your pals and being like we so fancy.
9. Teeth gems. Like erm, what even?
10. Drinking Malibu because it tastes like happiness and grown-up tropical holidays and makes us way more fun and sexy. Yey.
11. Playboy belly bars made up of pink diamantes. Playboy strap tops. Playboy sunglasses. Playboy necklaces on a silver chain from eBay. Playboy everything because awww bunnies are cute.
12. Hollyoaks. Yeah you cried when Max died, and what of it?
13. Wearing a denim jacket and hoodie as pretty much the peak of off-duty dressing.
14. Making up dances and cheerleading routines at lunchtime on the school field or in empty classrooms. It was of vital importance to your future career of basically being Jessica Alba.
15. Baby pink shimmer lip gloss that your hair got caught in every 2.7 seconds.
16. Re-designing your Myspace profile ao that it had the perfect tiled heart print background created with your snazzy, seriously clever HTML skills and a new black and white profile picture taken from just the right arty and from above angle. Cute.
17. Trampolines. Usually most fun when there’s at least 7 different people on said trampoline. What’s life without a high risk of death, eh?
18. Habbo Hotel and designing your own rooms on Habbo Hotel. Basically like the real life Sims.
19. Halter neck tops, ideally worn with a push up bra in a completely different colour with big ‘ol thick straps underneath. You style demon, you.
20. Pink Motorola flip phones or any model that you could easily buy sassy little phone covers for from Tesco.
21. Wearing amber coloured sunglasses with massive metal arms so that you looked as glam as a WAG. Srsly, people probably thought you were Victoria Beckham.
22. Under 18 nights in your local town hall where you could legit meet boys that went to OTHER schools. Terrifying. You needed at least a month’s notice to find the perfect party outfit, mind.
23. Blue denim bootcut jeans which had words like ‘sexy’ and ‘cutie’ plastered across the bum in diamantes. Girl gotta look classy and sophisticated and blingin’ at all times, ain’t that right?
24. Dance mats, SingStar and home karaoke machines. Hours of fun for your budding musical career.
25. Hair straighteners, that always, for a reason unknown to man, smelt a *bit* like a fish shop.
26. Wasting entire days to Cribs, My Super Sweet 16 and Newlyweds: Nick And Jessica re-runs on MTV. Only interrupted by getting up to put the kettle on for a Pot Noodle. Gotta get your nutrients and that.
27. French knickers in every colour of the rainbow even if they gave you cystitis and the worst wedgies known to man.
28. Burning CDs crammed with corkers from Destiny’s Child, Ashanti and Mis Teeq. CDs that you’d take round your friend’s house to listen to because ain’t nobody got time for radio adverts and chat.
29. Buying peel-off face masks because they definitely made a HUGE difference to your adolescent skin, uh huh.
30. Going on group diets where you just wouldn’t eat anything except fruit whilst you were at school. All failing miserably on day one. Shame, you all so desperately needed to lose weight too with your group average weight of seven and a half stone.
31. Drinking green tea even though it tasted a *bit* like weeds in puddle water, but it was OK because it was defs going to turn you into Ashley Olsen. Yeah it was…..