Log on to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and all you see are happy couples. People like to express feelings of happiness and euphoria in their relationship whether it’s real or not. Rarely do we see people express relationship problems even though we all go through them. Why? It’s called shame. Most people don’t like to talk about their relationship problems because they feel ashamed.
Shame is a feeling that most people avoid talking about and don’t even realize they feel.. We’re ashamed of being ashamed, so we hide the feeling and act out in other ways like being irritable or defensive towards one another. Common things that couples fight about usually have an underling issue of shame. Allow me to explain:
- Money problems:
You spend a lot of money on things that may be unnecessary. Your man becomes angry. Under his anger are feelings of inadequacy. And the real reason you are shopping unnecessarily is because you need retail therapy to cover up feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem. Both are afraid to admit these truths to one another because they are ashamed of what you are really going through.
- Sex problems:
Sex is important and a bit part in a relationship. One of you may want more sex, but the other feels tired or not in the mood. You become upset and frustrated. You may think that you are unattractive and therefore ashamed. On the other hand, your partner may feel inferior as a performer in the bed which may also cause them to feel shame.
Many of the problems people in relationships go through are common problems that everyone goes through. Common problems for women include: not feeling like you can effectively wear all the hats that you are expected to wear such as: being a great mother, a sexy wife, a good daughter, sister, friend, and of course still put food on the table. And when you feel like you can’t effectively perform all these expectations of a woman, you feel ashamed. For men, there is one thing you feel that you are expected to be: Strong. That means don’t show signs of sadness, fear, sexual inadequacy, confusion or be over emotional. Men avoid expressing what they feel because of shame.
If you can relate to some of the issues I mentioned above then it proves many of the problems are you going through in your relationship are the same problems other people are going through as well. So don’t be afraid to share your experiences with someone else. Let go of the shame and confess it to your partner or a close friend, it is a release. Express your underling feelings and what caused it. This is not about blaming another person for your feelings, this is about owning up to it and admitting it.
“You’re right babe, I overreacted and it was inappropriate. I feel ashamed at my actions and I’m sorry.” I promise you that admitting something like this will be beneficial to you and your partner.
It’s nice to express the positives about your relationship. But, it’s also enlightening to talk about your problems when appropriate and with intentions to be better. Don’t be fooled by all the happy faces you see on social media. We all go through problems in our relationships and its okay to express it, so Talk about it! I promise you will feel better.